I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
