We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
