when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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