I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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