Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
