guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
