Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
