I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
