im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
please come you make the beer taste better
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
