are you still at the devil's house?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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