At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
