These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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