If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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