hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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