Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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