Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
