the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
