Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
