a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
