He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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