Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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