the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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