I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
