and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
