we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
