sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
