the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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