I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
