he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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