Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
