Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
