I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
