Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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