what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
