I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
