are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
