Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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