she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
