Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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