I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
