this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
