why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
