come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
