So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
