Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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