His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've blown a few things in my day
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
