I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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