Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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