I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
