Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
