Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
thus making me awesome and them whores
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
