Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
