after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
