I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize