what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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