Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
