It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he puts the penis in happiness.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
