If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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