How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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