So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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