dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
