i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
