Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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