I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
