She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
false alarm. still invincible.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
