dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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