If i come over, it means nothing
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
