Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
